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November 29th, 2007
02:12 am - Mrs. Daffodil here!
Despite all the nerves and the confusion, the wedding day came and went and was amazing. The best part? That I'm so happy to be married to my husband. Now that all of the stress from planning an enormous event is over, I am much more relaxed. I thought that I would be sad and depressed for a while coming down off of a wedding planning high -- instead, I'm happier than I was before (which is a good way to start off a marriage!). I'm sooo relieved that it all went so well... and that it's over.
Now I can get back to focusing on things like... final exams and graduating in two weeks!!
I would like to share some wisdom that I gained after dealing with cold feet about the wedding. This is the majority of a post that I made on weddingbee in response to a woman with some similar problems. Hopefully it helped her with her own situation, but I also found that it gave me solace to put some of these thoughts into writing. It was nice to see that my outlook on marriage was finally more secure and coherent after months of confusion:
My fiance (husband as of last week) and I have been together for around 4.5 years. We get along great and have excellent lines of communication, but we have very differing opinions about many things. Without getting into too much detail, I am generally much more open-minded, outgoing and receptive, while he is very much set in his ways (at the ripe old age of 23). This scared me tremendously, as I still have aspirations to see the world and gain life experiences. I was afraid that I was condemning myself to a lifetime of gardening in the backyard.My first fault was to listen to everything people would tell me about my upcoming marriage. I would mention the slightest bit of nervousness, and people were all too quick to tell me their opinion (which in my case, perhaps because of my age, 21, was consistently negative towards the wedding) They told me about being too young, about not having enough experience, about examining my doubts, and even about post-poning or calling off the wedding. I took it all to heart and internalized it which just made my situation worse. I began to focus entirely on the negative aspects of our relationship and my anxiety about it painfully consumed me for several months. What I failed to realize was... well, a couple of things. First of all, that finding someone that you can stand to be around for 4+ years is an amazing thing. You can't expect the passion to remain as fierce as it was when you first started dating. I think that regardless of who you are with it would calm down eventually. But looking at it differently, it is nice to know that you can coexist with someone for reasons beyond sexual desires. (work, planning a wedding, plus all of the added stress of cold feet certainly takes its toll on that aspect of a relationship, too!) Secondly, no one is going to agree with you or your beliefs 100% of the time. Not only would it get boring, but you wouldn't grow as much as a person without someone else to keep you thinking. Third, and perhaps most importantly, I have come to realize that (provided that you've lived with your SO) marriage really doesn't change anything. If you weren't going to be married, would your relationship continue to progress as normal? If yes, how would marriage really make that different? Yes, it is an official committment to that person, but if you've already been willing to make sacrifices for your SO, for the relationship, and you've already found comfort and solace with him, why would that change? Life is going to throw you curve balls - marriage doesn't prevent that. The question is whether you are prepared and willing to continue to face them with your FI. I think that the stereotype of marriage makes us feel as though it is a larger step than it is. I don't mean to downplay the sanctity of the sacrament, but with people existing in long-term relationships before marriage these days, the marriage does act as a continuation of the relationship rather than the very first step, which, to me at least, is comforting to keep in mind. We get caught up in the commercial aspect of the wedding industry and feel lousy about ourselves when we are nervous or doubtful, even though it's normal to question. Those feelings are perpetuated by the wedding industry that makes everything look glamorous and perfect all the time. When it's not that way in real life, we feel like something is terribly wrong. The stereotype makes us girls feel like marriage is supposed to be the beginning of the real-life "happily ever after". This can be true, but only in realistic and practical terms. There will still be arguments and things to work through... and no one is perfect. We can always wonder if the grass would be greener on the other side, but it sounds like you have a solid communication base and a great deal of love and respect for each other. All things considered, you can't ask for much more than that. At our wedding, a family friend described marriage as the ability to agree to move on together. To a good extent that is probably true.. but isn't that how a relationship works anyway? I'm by no means saying that you shouldn't consider the opinions of your friends, family, fellow weddingbee readers. These people care about you and are looking out for your best interests by sharing their experiences and words of wisdom. In my case, I just paid too much attention to the advice of others and not enough to myself. These were simply my resolved thoughts from my similar situation (hopefully I made some sense heh). If you don't like what I said, ignore me! But perhaps something I spoke of will help you to assess your own situation. But (I know this isn't easy) you are ultimately the only one who can decide whether you are happy and whether this is right for you! Best of luck! (sorry for the ridiculously long post)
Having such cold feet made me focus so much on the negative, that I essentially forgot about the overwhelming positives of our relationship. Sure there are problems. There would be problems with anyone. But with Mr. Daffodil the good far outweighs the bad. That is something that I am very lucky and thankful for. The things that are great between us are the more important things -- the communication, the respect, the understanding, the compromising, the slow to anger, etc. The little differences like gardening help to keep us individuals.
Grand moral of the story is to follow your own heart.
Current Mood:  calm
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October 31st, 2007
03:06 am - the joys of marrying young.. and while in school... (note sarcasm)
Well, my professors seem to have had a secret meeting and unanimously voted next week to be full of exams, projects, and critiques. Amazing. Needless to say, this is why I have not been posting. Between the schoolwork and finishing up the last minute wedding details, I have been quite the busy bee. No one reads this, but for my own personal satisfaction, I will make sure to update with some of the other wedding details even if it ends up being after the wedding. 10 days!
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October 18th, 2007
01:19 am
Everyone seemed to have a pessimistic attitude about my getting married so young (age 21). Feelings of confusion and uncertainty about the wedding began mounting again. It seemed that this time, I put my feelings into a perfect, yet imaginary relationship. What if I was with _______? What if he enjoyed ______? What if we were really happy together?
What happened was that I strung together a huge line of "what ifs" and made myself even more unsure of the upcoming situation. I allowed the idea of a "perfect" boyfriend (which of course does not exist) to keep me from looking at the amazing aspects of my current (and real) relationship. All I could focus on for the past few months were the negative parts of our relationship - and most of those things were silly - aka I don't like the way he tucks in his shirts. Really petty and superficial problems.
I finally broke down and went to Mr. Daffodil about these feelings. I went so far as to tell him about the "what ifs". To my complete surprise, he was cool and collected about everything. He said with a laugh (though completely sincerely) "Well, if you decide you don't like me after a few years, you can always leave me then." To which I stupidly blurted out that that was the sweetest thing he'd ever said! haha But those words were so comforting! Not that I intend to leave him, but it made me feel less tied down. And it made the wedding feel more like the union of two people with two identities, then a deep dark hole of no return (which is how I was beginning to perceive it based on comments from faculty and classmates). He proceeded to explain to me that he had gone through a phase like this, and that it's perfectly natural to question. He also noted that he is two years older, and thus is (perhaps) a little more removed from those feelings of wanderlust. Essentially, he explained that he understood me completely. How could a girl ask for a better guy?
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October 5th, 2007
12:37 am
Last weekend, Mr. Daffodil and I met with the Pastor to go over some of the details of the ceremony. Since I was raised Catholic, I was unsure about how this non-Catholic ceremony would go. Essentially the pastor told us that we could customize the ceremony however we would like. I should have been more excited about that, I guess, but at this point, I guess I was looking for some structure - it's getting down to the wire!
He recommended that we choose a few readings. We will certainly choose a traditional reading from the bible, because even though neither of us are deeply religious, the families will appreciate something of that sort, and the Bible does contain many beautiful lessons.
For the other reading, I did some googling (is that a word?) for love poems. Most of them that I found were deep and wordy and .... boring.
What I wanted was something fun and spunky and that people would listen to. I found a few that I liked, but this was my favorite! It is a children's book that speaks about parental love, but I feel like it applies just as well to a couple:
(I found this copy of the poem online, so it may not be 100% accurate to the book.. I need to make a trip to the library to get a real copy)
how do i love you
how do i love you?
let me count the ways
i love you on your very best
and very worst of days
i love to see you laughing
and dancing in the rain
and even if you make a mess
i love you just the same
i love to hear you sing
i love to see you smile
i love the way you take each day
in your own unhurried style
i'm happy when you're happy
i'm sorry when you're sad
and even though it may not show
i love you when you're bad
i love to watch you sleeping
tucked away in dreams
i love to hear you whisper
all your dreams and future hopes
i love to watch you play
and all your silly ways
i'm sure you'll never know
how much i love you more each day
how do i love you?
it's impossible to say
for if i had a million days
and time enough for all the praise
i couldn't tell you all the ways....
i love you
(by P.K. Hallinan)
I also found these two poems which are absolutely dear. I'm pretty sure I'm going to use the first one in our program:
“I know you little, I love you lots My love for you could fill ten pots, fifteen buckets, sixteen cans, three teacups and four dishpans.” -Shel Silverstein
My love is like a cabbage that can be cut in two the leaves I’ll give to others but the heart I’ll give to you -anonymous
What do you think? Especially about the "how do I love you?" poem?
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October 1st, 2007
10:24 pm
Wedding planning is going well. After a bit of a breakdown and a lot of tears (not to mention a mini-breakdown in class) I think I'm ready to get married! lol One thing I have realized, and that makes me kind of ashamed to admit, is that a wedding is about a lot more than living together with someone and planning a big party to kick it all off. It is about a true committment and promise to that person. It is about compromise and working together as a team on every aspect of life together. It is about family and friends. It was really easy to get caught up in the commercial and traditional aspects of planning a wedding and all of the romance that comes with an engagement. Behind all of that, however, are two people starting a real life together, not writing a storybook fairytale. (well, alright, we all hope that we are in a fairytale marriage! but life usually throws you a few curves first) Although Mr. Daffodil and I have been together for what I feel has been a substantial amount of time, there are a lot of things that are going to change when we get married. Reality is that those things would probably change anyway, even without marriage involved. I would still be graduating and we would still live together. Regardless, the term "marriage" became a bit frightening. I started to focus in on all of the adaptations that I would have to make, and I looked at them as negative changes. What I failed to consider were the positive things that would come from certain changes. In the end, I may be giving up some things that I would do if left on my own, but in starting a life together with my best friend, I am gaining so much more.
Marriage is going to be a wonderful thing. It is a ceremony and celebration fully worthy of the attention it receives by the media. Just don't forget to look beyond the pretty colored place cards or the decorated cake. A marriage ceremony would be just as beautiful and just as genuine without any of these things.
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September 30th, 2007
03:36 pm - Cake Toppers
So I had quite a few dilemmas with the cake topper. At first, I felt like the cake toppers were just dust collectors, and I wanted to use fresh or gum paste flowers. Then I saw the cake toppers of Ann Wood - http://www.annwoodhandmade.com and wanted to make something similar myself.
As summer flew by, that project was pushed aside for a later date, and I happened to come across this figurine -
"You Are My Dream Come True"
photo from http://www.weddingaccessories.net
Naturally I snatched it up! But Bruce made fun of it when i suggested it for the cake topper. Although it was expensive, I didn't have the will-power to return it once it was in my possession. Oh well.
Then Mrs. Plum on http://www.weddingbee.com posted about her glass bird cake toppers from http://www.etsy.com seller matthew stewart. Since we had talked about bird anyway, I looked into that and ended up purchasing two glass birds:
He didn't have any burgundy colored birds, but I figure that the pink ones might look just as nice. Now I have two options I guess.
Here's a picture of our cake (well, it's a sample of the cake - i fell in love with a design she had done for someone else!)
I just loved the whimsical swirls. Which cake topper do you think would look better? Our cake will be slightly larger, and we're still going to use fresh sweetheart roses around the layers (though perhaps not quite as many)
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12:12 am
We decided to go ahead and order napkins for the reception, partially because FMIL kept mentioning that we needed them. (I'm that "try to appease everyone" type bride) I found them online for only $19.00/100 napkins at Invitations by Dawn http://www.invitationsbydawn.com. Surprisingly, that was the cheapest that I had found them. Unfortunately, they wanted an additional $10.00 charge to choose your own font. Naturally I went with the standard font and saved the money, but I was a bit disappointed to find out that it was not a script font like I had hoped. Oh well, people are going to use them to wipe their hands.. no one will really care.
The color is a lot bolder and prettier in real life - I just scanned these in. We did get to choose the motif, so I went with the intertwined leaves. I thought it was very pretty and matched our invitations! I got a bit matchy-matchy though, and ordered one set of burgundy (i think it was called cranberry) w/ pink lettering, and one set of light pink with silver lettering. Here's a close-up of the font and design:
What'dya think?
Current Mood: content
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September 24th, 2007
10:26 pm - Favors! a decision at last!
So after much debate about wedding favors, we came full circle back to my initial idea. The photo frame.
We finally ruled out things like the darling heart shaped candy boxes because
A.) they are not very useful
B.) Guys aren't going to want them, and
C.) I hate polluting the earth with said useless items
The lollipops were ruled out because we're using them as alternatives to shots for the apron dance.
And that brings us back to the photo frames. They are useful, they don't have to be super feminine, and they relate to my focus of study - photography. Plus, they can also double as place card holders at the reception!
These are the frames that we finally decided on. We ordered a small sample of them to see them in person before placing the huuge order... but they are quite lovely! The ivy is supposedly a symbol of friendship and matrimony. Plus it matches that delicate leaf motif that seems to keep reappearing with my decor. They were a bit more expensive than we would have liked ($1.95 each), but I'm pretty sure that it's something most people will be able to use. We also got a 20% promotional discount, which helped. If we have any left over, I would love to send them to family who couldn't attend and place a picture of the two of us inside. I think that would be sweet.. hopefully it wouldn't come across as egocentric.
I found these at the http://www.weddingchannelstore.com
Current Mood:  excited
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September 5th, 2007
11:30 pm - It's official!
The invitations are out! Most of them, at least :)
These are the invitations we decided upon:
 
The selection process for the design was interesting. I had visited the local print shop several times to browse the selection on my own, but for the real deal, I dragged Mr. Daffodil along. The first invite that he liked was a deep, solid chocolate brown. Maybe it's just me, but I felt like it was a bit drab for a wedding invitation, not to mention that it didn't match our colors. The second one he liked had a large bright red/orange maple leaf in the center of it. Let me remind you that the colors are burgundy and pale pink.... I saw this one with leaves, and I was sold. I figured it was the best compromise that we would find. So far I've gotten nothing but compliments on them!
I found the style in the Carlson Craft Candlelight Collection. For your viewing pleasure, I found these sample photos online from http://www.paperelegance.com/wedding/candlelight/fk9152-226.htm
These were a bit pricier than I would have gone for initially, but I guess my mom hit that point where she didn't care about the money. When I asked her (multiple times) to give me the budget for invitations she just said "get whatever you want." I don't think I abused that, but I certainly could have found cheaper invitations. I'm glad I didn't make them myself, because addressing all of the envelopes was a task in and of itself. I refined my calligraphy a bit, and I got a lot of compliments on my handwriting... Personally, I didn't think it was wonderful, but then again, I am an overly-critcal art major.
Current Mood: chipper
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July 7th, 2007
10:24 pm - venue
Luckily for me, I work with the woman who is in charge of our venue, and I know her daughter from high school!
The hall used to be the church until they built the new one. My only problem with it is that the walls are blue. It would be beautiful if those were your colors - you would think they'd have picked a more neutral color. But, all in all, it is a minor detail. We're not made of money, so there's nothing I can do about it.
Anyway, this woman is great! she is so concerned about all of the details, that I know everything will fall into place just fine. And, best of all, she is giving us the entire hall for the price of half of it!!
I was a bit worried that, in having the whole hall, people would be too spread out. But I saw this wedding on 07/07/07 (she let me come in to take a peek while they set up) and I think it will be okay. The photograph makes it look huge, but with 11 tables and 100 some people, I can't imagine squishing everyone into *half* of that space.
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